Finding the Money

by Jake Adams

It’s a common theme in divorce for a wealthy husband or wife to hide the money before the divorce in an attempt to avoid the equitable division of marital property afforded by the law and the courts.

You’d be amazed the lengths some spouses will go to hide money, but in this digital age it’s getting more and more difficult to hide the dough. You’ll probably be even more amazed at the lengths some will go to attempt to catch their spouse hiding inappropriate behavior, money and other clandestine affairs as detailed in this Wall Street Journal piece. The best piece of advice in the whole article is at the end:

“A lot of trouble could be avoided if spouses had more open and honest communication.”

Tags: , , ,
Posted in General | May 1st, 2012 No Comments »

How Should I Parent My Child During Divorce?

by Jake Adams

Parents going through a divorce should remember that their children are not getting divorced. Unfortunately, it feels that way for children when their parents split up. The fact of divorce is that one parent must move out of the home. Just because that parent is leaving the home though, doesn’t mean that parent should be alienated from a relationship with the child. In most cases children love both their parents, and they need both their parents. Parents seeking a divorce should work diligently to promote a relationship with both parents.

A few practical tips:

1) Avoid talking negatively about the other parent in the presence of the child.

2) Never use a child to spy on the other parent.

3) Do not fight in the presence of the child.

4) Do not blame the other parent for things the child does not like or agree with, even if you think the child is right.

5) Don’t pretend your spouse is dangerous when he or she is in fact not dangerous.

It should be the goal of any parent going through the divorce process for the child to feel loved by both parents and to love both parents. If your actions or words are causing your child to not feel loved by the other parent or causing the child to not love the other parent then you should stop that behavior immediately.

For more tips on co-parenting after divorce, read these helpful tips for divorced parents.

Tags: ,
Posted in Child Custody, FAQ | April 30th, 2012 No Comments »

Cell Phone Records As Evidence in Divorce

by Jake Adams

I’m an avid college football fan. Like many of you I’ve been glued to the Bobby Petrino scandal, created by the college football coach last week when he was caught stepping out on his wife with a young ex-volleyball player turned recruiting administrator. He was caught by happenstance – wrecking his motorcycle on a Sunday afternoon drive with his mistress. As if riding his motorcycle with his mistress wasn’t reckless enough, what Petrino did with his cell phone in the months leading up to the accident was even more brazen.

After the accident Petrino’s school-funded cell phone records were produced to reporters pursuant to a Freedom of Information Act request. From those records reporters uncovered 4300 text messages between Petrino and his mistress from September 2011 until April 2012.

The same cell phone records uncovered more than 200 text messages between Petrino and a biker-bikini model.

As a divorce attorney I’ve effectively used cell phone records against cheating spouses in many cases. These records can be obtained in discovery through the use of Requests for Production and by subpoena, and the records are oftentimes quite useful. Frequent text messages and telephone calls to an unusual number can be a sign of an adulterous or inappropriate extra-marital relationship. These numbers can be easily traced and sometimes they become evidence useful for proving that a cheating spouse has committed adultery. Such evidence could be invaluable in a state like Mississippi where proving grounds is necessary for a divorce to be granted without an agreement.

Bobby Petrino is learning that lesson the hard way.

Tags: ,
Posted in Grounds for Divorce | April 13th, 2012 No Comments »

Telling Your Children You Are Getting a Divorce

by Chris Palmer

One can only imagine how difficult it is to explain to your children why their parents are divorcing.  The questions, the pleading, the tears, the apologies and the shattered desire of sheltering your children from life’s pain.  For a parent that puts their children first, this pain has to be right at the top of the list of unpleasant experiences. However, others use that moment not to delicately guide their children into their new existence, but to destroy the other parent in the eyes of the children.  Too often children are intentionally sucked into divorce litigation and they become the victims of their parent’s need to win at all costs.

A recent article provides a thoughtful analysis of the process of explaining to your children that you are divorcing.  There are right ways to tell the children and there are certainly wrong ways to tell the children. The article recommends the following steps as the correct way to ease your children into a divorce:

  1. Tell your kids together, despite your differences.  They need to see that both of you will still be their parents.
  2. Don’t blame or criticize your spouse.  Accept responsibility for the split and use this as a first step in developing a new relationship with your children as divorced parents.
  3. Explain what post-divorce life will look like for the children.
  4. Rehearse the conversation with your spouse.  Anticipate the questions and be prepared with responses.
  5. Remind the children that they did nothing to cause the divorce.
  6. Be patient and give your children time to adjust.

Anyone divorcing, with children, would do well to take the points mentioned in the article and use them in discussing divorce with their children.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in About Divorce, Collection, General | January 9th, 2012 No Comments »

Holiday Survival Guide

by Chris Palmer

Holidays can be filled with stress in even the most solid families but in divorced or divorcing families, they can quickly become one of the most miserable times of the year.  Finances usually come into play, as well as increased demands on time, but the misery that parents sometimes experience usually results more from their need to be inflexible and unyielding in their plans as well as the need to feel as if they “beat” their former spouse.  Unfortunately, this behavior typically results in the children enjoying the holiday less as well, making everyone unhappy.  Put the children first and leave the fighting out of the picture.  Common sense and focusing on helping the children enjoy the holiday is the best pathway to an enjoyable holiday.  Here is a good article that addresses some of the issues.

Merry Christmas!

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in General | December 21st, 2011 No Comments »

The Decline of Traditional Morality

by Chris Palmer

A recent survey has indicated that marriage rates are at an all time low.  In the 1960’s the median age for marriage was around 20 but now, the median age has risen to 26 for women and 29 for men. Rising divorce rates have contributed to the statistics as well as economic concerns.  What is most troubling though is that the survey reflects a sense of apathy towards marriage in general as evidenced by this quote: “A Pew survey last year determined that more than four in 10 Americans younger than 30 consider marriage passe.  ”They see it as an obselete social environment,” said D’Vera Cohn, a Pew researcher who co-wrote the analysis.”  Unfortunately, out-of-wedlock births have not followed the same path.

A study from the United Stated Department of Health and Human Resources shows that non-marital births are at greater risk of low birth weight, preterm birth and infant mortality than children born to married women.  The study also shows that children born to single mothers have more limited social and economic resources than those born to marriage.  Yet the 2007 data used in the study shows that  4 in 10 children were born out of wedlock, reflecting a 5% increase in unmarried birth since 2006, a 21% increase since 2002 and an 80% increase since 1980.

When you look at the declining marriage statistics, the changing view of marriage by young Americans and skyrocketing out-of-wedlock births, you begin to see a grim portrait of America’s future.  It appears that Americans have slowly moved toward a more narcissistic existence, one in which self-satisfaction comes first and commitment to family comes second. Why else would the statistics show declining marriage rates yet rising birth rates among unmarried people?  One only has to hang around your local family court to see the problems that result from out-of-wedlock births.  Court are jammed with single mothers begging for financial assistance from absent fathers while vehemently opposing the father’s efforts to have a relationship with his child.  If this trend continues, marriage will soon be a minority as will children born to marriage.   One has to wonder what the long term effects of this trend will have on the country if it continues since the trend sheds light on a much larger issue not addressed by the statistics – the decline of traditional views of morality.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Child Support, General | December 15th, 2011 No Comments »

Bible Belt States, Including Mississippi, Have Higher Divorce Rate

by Jake Adams

Despite their  ”Bible Belt” status, Mississippi and other southern states have a higher rate of divorce than states in the Northeast. Surprising, right? Click here to read an article regarding the divorce findings of a U.S. Census Bureau report.

Some theorize that the South’s higher divorce rate is caused by getting married too young.  While I disagree with the writer’s underlying agenda to discredit the sexual values instilled by Christianity, the statistical variance between Southern divorce rates and Northeastern divorce rates should be studied. There may be a lesson to be learned from Northeasterner’s who routinely marry much later in life, the theory being that with age comes maturity, education, and a realistic approach to marriage. No one can argue that maturity, education and realism are necessary equipment for a successful marriage.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in General | August 29th, 2011 No Comments »

Divorce: What is it good for?

by Jake Adams

I’m a divorce lawyer and believe it or not, I hate divorce. Yes, you read that correctly, I hate divorce. The truth is I’m a child of divorced parents. I’ve both felt the pain of divorce and I’ve witnessed it by watching my parents in the 20 years since they ended their marriage. Given my personal experience and my professional experience of representing many clients in divorce I feel I owe it to my friends, family and future clients to give you these warnings about divorce. Please read carefully.

The sting of divorce takes years and years to fade and its consequences last a lifetime. From the time you divorce until the day of your demise you will always be an ex-wife or ex-husband. And the consequences aren’t limited to just the divorcing spouses. Divorce is more akin to a cluster bomb than it is a rifle bullet. Its reach is far and wide. You will lose relationships with friends and family members and maybe even business associates and co-workers if you get divorced. Not all of them mind you, but some of them.

Divorce is not a cure for unhappiness.  In my experience, people who seek a divorce as a tonic for unhappiness are disappointed almost 100 percent of the time. Getting a divorce because you are unhappy is like quitting work because you don’t make enough money. It’ll only make it worse.

Divorce will not make you a better parent. Don’t believe the lie that your children are far better off if you get divorced just because you and your spouse are frequently at odds or are struggling through seemingly insurmountable difficult times. Children need to see parents argue and disagree and work through their differences. Watching two people who love each other or once loved each other struggle to work through life’s difficulties is far better for your children than seeing you give up. Marriage was meant to be forever. Children know that at a very early age. Why do you think they love Disney Princess movies so much? You will not “help” your children by giving up on your marriage.

Divorce will not make your life easier. It’ll only be more difficult. Trust me. It’s more expensive. It’s inconvenient. You will lose relationships. Your life will be more difficult if you get divorced. This is not a prediction. It is a guarantee.

Divorce will not lead to a relationship with someone else who will make you more happy than your current spouse. It won’t. Briefly, maybe. But those feelings of lust and a yearning to be with that other person will eventually subside. Just like they did with your current spouse. They will. I promise. And then you’ll realize that you’re married to someone as a result of a tragic mistake that you made while married to your first spouse. Or you’ll just find yourself in the same level of unhappiness as you had with your first spouse. Either way, this will happen. Believe me.

Divorce is not a cure for financial hardship. It’s not. Divorce is expensive. Even with a “cheap” divorce lawyer. Being responsible for your own household is expensive. If you get divorced I can assure you that your financial situation will get more complicated. Not less. Your child support will not go as far as you think it will, and alimony is hard to get. It is. I promise.

Divorce will not be more fun. It won’t. You will enjoy very few nights on the town before you realize you are lonely and would like companionship. You will then begin the quest for a second spouse. This will happen. I guarantee it.

Look, I could go on and on about the disappointment you will find in divorce. If you’re considering a divorce please consider it very, very carefully. It’s a decision that will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Am I blogging myself out of a career? No. I’m not. Unfortunately, the sad truth in our present world is that some marriages really do need to end. Some spouses commit adultery. Some people unfortunately really are in prisons disguised as marriages. Some people are emotionally and physically abused. Some spouses are abandoned and there’s  nothing left to do but call me.

I’m not writing myself out of a job. I’ll always have clients. But I want you to know, if you’re coming to me because you think I’m going to make your life better, chances are, I’m not.

But if you want to talk about it, I’m here.

Posted in FAQ, General | August 15th, 2011 No Comments »

Is Divorce Your Best Option?

Is divorce your best option?  It’s a question worth asking. But while it may be a strange topic to find on the website of a law firm that specializes in domestic relations cases, it is the very question that should be asked right off the bat by competent attorneys when counseling clients who are contemplating divorce.  Why?  Because divorce can be very messy.  Divorce can negatively impact children of the marriage.  Divorce can cause financial burdens that may deeply impact your future.  The outcome of a divorce case is uncertain.  And it may be that, in your situation, divorce is not your best option.

Given the emotional strain and uncertainty that you are already experiencing, shouldn’t the legal counsel you receive be determined by what is in your best interest and in the best interest of your children, even if it means that our recommendation is that you not proceed with a divorce filing?  Shouldn’t you feel comfortable knowing that the advice you receive is not determined by an attorney’s desire to take in a divorce case?  At Adams & Edens, P.A., we believe the role of your attorney should involve more than advocacy.  Your attorney should also be your counselor.  And as a counselor, your attorney should be well versed in Mississippi divorce law, but also well practiced in listening carefully to your circumstances, ask probing questions, and give you sound advice that is in your best interest.

Tags: , ,
Posted in About Divorce | July 15th, 2011 No Comments »

When Does Flirting Become Cheating?

by Chris Palmer

When does online or text flirting become cheating? That is not a simple question to answer in the context of a divorce but a recent article has articulated nine red flags that may indicate that more than flirting is occurring.  While none of the listed factors are proof that a spouse is cheating, they are an excellent indicator that more investigation is needed. In fact, a study indicated that the Internet is typically the first step toward the ultimate goal of real-life cheating.  If you suspect your spouse is cheating, call us immediately because you may need to act quickly to preserve evidence critical to your divorce.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in General, Grounds for Divorce | July 14th, 2011 No Comments »

« Older Entries