Posts Tagged ‘Custody’

Telling Your Children You Are Getting a Divorce

Monday, January 9th, 2012

by Chris Palmer

One can only imagine how difficult it is to explain to your children why their parents are divorcing.  The questions, the pleading, the tears, the apologies and the shattered desire of sheltering your children from life’s pain.  For a parent that puts their children first, this pain has to be right at the top of the list of unpleasant experiences. However, others use that moment not to delicately guide their children into their new existence, but to destroy the other parent in the eyes of the children.  Too often children are intentionally sucked into divorce litigation and they become the victims of their parent’s need to win at all costs.

A recent article provides a thoughtful analysis of the process of explaining to your children that you are divorcing.  There are right ways to tell the children and there are certainly wrong ways to tell the children. The article recommends the following steps as the correct way to ease your children into a divorce:

  1. Tell your kids together, despite your differences.  They need to see that both of you will still be their parents.
  2. Don’t blame or criticize your spouse.  Accept responsibility for the split and use this as a first step in developing a new relationship with your children as divorced parents.
  3. Explain what post-divorce life will look like for the children.
  4. Rehearse the conversation with your spouse.  Anticipate the questions and be prepared with responses.
  5. Remind the children that they did nothing to cause the divorce.
  6. Be patient and give your children time to adjust.

Anyone divorcing, with children, would do well to take the points mentioned in the article and use them in discussing divorce with their children.

Divorcing if Both Spouses Have Committed Wrongdoing

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

by Chris Palmer

The typical scenario when a spouse learns that the other has done something that destroys the marriage is that the innocent spouse meets with a lawyer, who guides the spouse through the divorce process.  Occasionally, though, you find that while listening to the “outrage” that a client expresses over learning that their spouse has had an affair you also learn that your “innocent” client has also been having an affair.  So what do you do if a client wants a divorce but both spouses are committing adultery?  An agreed resolution on the ground of Irreconcilable Differences would be the preferable outcome, but litigation may be the only option in some circumstances.

The Mississippi Supreme Court recently addressed a similar scenario in Jenkins v. Jenkins.  In Jenkins, the court was faced with a situation where the lower court granted a person a divorce on the ground of Habitual, Cruel and Inhuman Treatment.  The guilty spouse tried to defend the charge by claiming the defense of “recrimination”, which is a common-law defense that states if each party proves a fault ground for divorce then neither is entitled to a divorce.  The defense of recrimination has been altered by Miss. Code Ann. 93-5-3, which allows a court to grant a divorce, even if both parties prove a fault ground for divorce, by determining which spouse’s actions constituted the proximate cause of the destruction of the marriage.  The Mississippi Supreme Court determined that although the wife admitted committing adultery, the trial evidence showed that the husband’s habitual, cruel and inhuman treatment was the cause of the divorce, not the wife’s adultery, and that the lower court properly denied the husband’s recrimination defense.

Although a scenario where both parties are committing actions that constitute divorce grounds is not the preferable situation, a spouse may still be able to obtain a divorce without his/her spouse’s consent if the facts are supportive.  If you find yourself in this situation, speaking with an attorney to help analyze the proximate cause of the destruction of the marriage very early on is vital.

Adultery in Mississippi

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

by Chris Palmer

Until recently, everyone knew Tiger Woods as one of the most successful wealthiest sports figures in history. Unfortunately for his family, he is now known as an unfaithful husband whose ever-growing list of paramours will surely haunt his wife for years to come.    The damage caused by adultery though is the same, whether you are Tiger Woods or Joe the Plumber.

In Mississippi, for a spouse to prove adultery, there must be clear and convincing evidence of both an adulterous inclination and a reasonable opportunity to satisfy that inclination.  Adultery can be proven by circumstantial evidence because the secretive nature of adultery normally prevents someone from obtaining direct evidence of what occurred behind closed doors.  The evidence of adultery must be logical and be inconsistent with a theory of innocence.  A classic example would be evidence that a husband claimed to be going on a business trip to another state but was seen kissing a woman (not his wife), entering a local motel room her and not leaving until the morning.  Of course, this does not provide any evidence of what occurred in the motel room but the evidence would clearly demonstrate facts inconsistent with a theory of innocence and would likely result in a finding of adultery.

In a Mississippi divorce case, once a spouse proves adultery, the court will decide issues such as child custody and the division of assets.  So not only does the innocent spouse discover the cheating ways of the adulterous spouse, everyone takes a large financial hit with the asset division.  Sadly, however, the pain caused by adultery does not always end quickly.  Often, the destruction of trust caused by the cheating impacts people’s ability to act reasonably after a divorce is concluded.  This usually manifests itself in an unreasonable level of anger, an inability to communicate with the former spouse and frequent post-divorce contempt actions.  It can even result in a lawsuit being filed against the paramour for Alienation of Affections.  Adultery is possibly the most destructive of the divorce grounds in Mississippi.

If you are the innocent spouse in an adultery situation, it is important to speak with a lawyer quickly to determine the best way to preserve evidence if you decide to pursue a divorce and so that you will understand what is necessary should you pursue a divorce.  Even resuming normal marital relations with your spouse after learning of an affair may drastically impact your ability to pursue a divorce on the ground of adultery.

As for Tiger, his adulterous actions may cost him his family, fortune and possibly his career.  He will still remain a wealthy after a divorce, but the image he cultivated over the years that has contributed to his staggering earnings has likely been permanently tarnished.

Who Will Get Custody of the Children?

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

by Chris Palmer

In Mississippi, a decision on which parent is awarded custody of children is a complicated process that involves the consideration of a number of very important factors, some of which are more important than others.  The factors are commonly referred to as the “Albright Factors” because they were set forth in the case Albright v. Albright, 437 So. 2d 1003 (Miss. 1983).  In Albright, the Mississippi Supreme Court held:

We reaffirm the rule that the polestar consideration in child custody cases is the best interest and welfare of the child. The age of the child is subordinated to that rule and is but one factor to be considered. Age should carry no greater weight than other factors to be considered, such as: health, and sex of the child; a determination of the parent that has had the continuity of care prior to the separation; which has the best parenting skills and which has the willingness and capacity to provide primary child care; the employment of the parent and responsibilities of that employment; physical and mental health and age of the parents; emotional ties of parent and child; moral fitness of parents; the home, school and community record of the child; the preference of the child at the age sufficient to express a preference by law; stability of home environment and employment of each parent, and other factors relevant to the parent-child relationship.

Marital fault should not be used as a sanction in custody awards. Relative financial situations is not controlling since the duty to support is independent of the right to custody. Differences in religion, personal values and lifestyles should not be the sole basis for custody decisions.

If you are involved in a custody situation or are thinking about filing for divorce, a review of the Albright Factors could assist you in undertanding what information is important to the judge.  However, it is critical that you discuss your situation with an attorney immediately if you feel custody will be an issue.  Failing to get sound legal advice as soon as possible could cause you to unknowingly engage in behavior that will hurt your ability to obtain custody.

A Priest, a Stripper and Child Support

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

by Chris Palmer

An article was posted on FOX News this morning that leaves you waiting for the punchline.  Unfortunately, it is not a joke.  The headline reads, “Florida Priest Seeks Custody of Child From Stripper.”   The article needs no explanation other than to say that issues pertaining to custody of children and child support know no societal, economic or professional boundaries and that when you think you’ve heard it all, you soon realize that you have not.  A link to a more thorough article on the matter is here.